Piping trouble

Press release on recent piping troubles

– Adapted by Bobby Rundfunk for bearholepress –

SWEDEN HQ – Bearhole’s pipenetwork has been experiencing severe problems during  the last few weeks.  The pipenetwork, a series of highly complex structures forming the backbone of all Bearhole activities, failed to deliver a large amount of  crucial content to the general public. It thereby caused a sudden lack of essential knowledge in a nutshell amongst certain Bearhole intimates.

Fragment of the Bearhole piping

 Although a part of the network was recently washed, rumours are spreading about the piping being  heavily rusted, with some critics even stating that A Bearhole Engagement might fully collapse within the next  two  to four months.  The pipe-related troubles explain of course the lack of content-flow during the last few weeks, as well as the huge delay in wardrobe deliveries to certain Bearhole clients.

On a related note, very recently information was leaked about several pipes being fully packed with bagels. This information can possibly be linked to the recent Bagelgate scandal, in which CEO Dick Weyls ordered an uncomfortable amount of Bagels at the Bearhole Headquarters, leaving the enterprise with a huge storage deficit, as well as snack-related budgetary concerns.

The CEO appears unavailable for comments. (BR)

 (BR) for bearholepress


Bagelgate: Dick in trouble?

Controversy galore at Bearhole after CEO Dick Weyls orders an excessive amount of bagels.

By reporter Bobby Rundfunk

It turned out to be another eventful day at the Bearhole headquarters last Monday. Without having any clue, CEO Dick Weyls ordered an uncomfortably large amount of bagels, thereby threatening the enterprise to go bankrupt within the blink of an eye.

Dick Weyls explains the mishap to the webcrew: “For my afternoon snack I was browsing the web for some ideas. I stumbled upon a nearby snack shop, and decided to sent Gargaloth (Bearhole’s transport owl, red.) for some bagels. Unfortunately, Garge flew into a barbed wire fence and died on the spot. So I had to order my snack online, which turned out to be an even bigger nightmare. Instead of ordering 5 bagels, I appear to have ordered 500 kilo’s.”

A clearly disappointed Dick admits he regrets his actions: “All I wanted was a tasty afternoon snack. I never planned on ordering those five truckloads of bagels. This delivery means we will have to revise our annual snack budget.”

One of the bagels involved in ‘Bagelgate’

On the rumor that Bearhole might face bankruptcy, Dick remains calm and clear: “Listen guys, bankruptcy is out of the question here. We have never even thought about it. At least, I haven’t. To be honest, I have only been thinking about bagels.”

The unfortunate mishap, referred to as ‘Bagelgate’ by many, leaves Bearhole with a clear objective: turning the current snack overload into a win-win situation. For this, a so-called Bagel Action Plan (BAP) was launched. The company contacted a wide array of NGO’s in order to cooperate and export some bagels to countries who need them the most.

Dick: “I am proud to see that our BAP initiative is working. This Friday, Brundfunk Airlines will send 100 kg of bagels to Babidwana, our partner country in the South. One bagel might not mean much to us, but for some it is the difference between life and death.”

NOTE: Your loyal reporter Bobby Rundfunk will remain at the Bearhole Headquarters to deliver you the most recent updates on Bagelgate. He will also be coordinating the Brundfunk Airlines Flight to Babidwana upcoming Friday.