Categories
News

New Year’s Speech

Dearest Crew,

During the last couple of months I have been calculating the distance between the Moon, Neptune and Jupiter. My detailed arithmetics brought me to the conclusion that, once again, a year has flown by. A year characterized by continuous growth, crucial impact investments and a radical progress in terms of brand awareness and climate prosperity. For Hyundai, that is. Bearhole, on the other hand, has not really achieved anything.

But let us not focus all too much on “achievements” here. What is an “achievement” anyway, if not a gratifying accomplishment or a performance of great quality? Ridiculous. Let one thing be clear: Bearhole has never pursued these so called “achievements”. On the contrary; we tend to focus more on realizing goals, fulfilling objectives and completing tasks. I do not see the relevance of “achievements” in our story, whatsoever.

Leaving this confusing paragraph aside, I am but to be a proud CEO whilst looking back at 2013. I feel like we have been working with great passion, endurance, grinta, and of course a lot of vista. We have grown as a team, and more importantly, as a business striving for profits in an ever-shrinking market.

Looking at our future, I see a lot of possibilities, as well as an enormous hungry grey wolf craving to chew on my balls. But enough about my pet. It is without any doubt true that 2014 will be an enticing, tasty, yes maybe even a crispy year for Bearhole. Nevertheless, before I embark on a well-deserved five month holiday trip to my luxury resort in Addis Ababa, I would like to stress the importance of hard work and humidity.

It is with a cordiality of grand proportions that I am concluding this passionate letter, wishing you the greatest of luck in yet another “new” year, indeed the newest year up until now, as one might properly say, and as my recent calculations have confirmed. Allow me to bestow you with an everlasting sincerity, as well as an open hearted greeting of candor and a wish of prosperity.

As Dick as I will ever be,

Weyls.
CEO at large
Director of the Bearhole General Assembly
Senior Advisor to the Bearhole Fashion Team
Supervisor of Squirrelmail Communications

Inventor of the wheel (citation needed)

Just write what your thinking right now!