Bearhole reinforces pipesystem

Weyls calls for vigilance as threat
level rises to √47

Bearhole officials say no risk is taken in the aftermath of the unfortunate Paris attacks. In an official statement sent from Hawaii, delivered inside a coconut, CEO Dick Weyls condemns the happenings in France and tightens security.

by Jacques Prélude

The Bearhole community is in a state of uproar and grievance after violent terrorist attacks scared the entire world on November 13th. Although most aficionados were reported physically safe, the tragic event caused a mental blow to the staff and a smack to the core values of A Bearhole Engagement.  The enterprise now publishes a public statement, offering full support to its allies.

Leaked fragment of CEO Dick Weyls’ secret orders sent to Headquarters this week.

In his statement, CEO Dick Weyls expresses his condolences and warns for possible attacks in the near future. Weyls explains: “Our Bearhole Intelligence Team against Crime and Hate (BITCH, red)  has received clues for a potential terrorist attack on pipe 237 and pipe 241. I take the BITCH very seriously. That is why I command an immediate reinforcement of our entire Pipesystem.”

I take the bitch very seriously
– D. Weyls

Meanwhile, Ronny from the Bagelcave advices to cancel all travel and transport through pipes 210 – 250. “Although we always ensure maximum protection within our pipes, I must now confess we do not have any kind of protection whatsoever”, the janitor precises.

la foto
Fragment of Bearhole’s underlying pipesystem. Pipes 210-250 are closed down.

Brundfunk Airlines also stated it will cancel its direct flights to South-Babidwana. “We cannot take any risks at this point”, explains founder Bobby Rundfunk. “Besides, we ran out of fuel last week”.

Pipefest cancelled

The rise of threat level to √47 has cultural consequences as well. All pipe-related activities are canceled until next Friday at least. This means a no-go for Pipefest, Bearhole’s bi-annual smokers delight festival planned for upcoming Saturday, and sporting big names such as Paf Pijpmans. Weyls’ coconut message justifies: “We cannot risk a big scale event like this, for obvious security and health reasons.”

“This means a no-go for Pipefest,
Bearhole’s biannual smokers delight festival”
– Jacques Prélude

Paf Pijpmans (left) performing at Pipefest 2014. This year’s edition is canceled due to terrorist threat.