Weyls calls for vigilance as threat
level rises to √47
Bearhole officials say no risk is taken in the aftermath of the unfortunate Paris attacks. In an official statement sent from Hawaii, delivered inside a coconut, CEO Dick Weyls condemns the happenings in France and tightens security.
by Jacques Prélude
The Bearhole community is in a state of uproar and grievance after violent terrorist attacks scared the entire world on November 13th. Although most aficionados were reported physically safe, the tragic event caused a mental blow to the staff and a smack to the core values of A Bearhole Engagement. The enterprise now publishes a public statement, offering full support to its allies.
In his statement, CEO Dick Weyls expresses his condolences and warns for possible attacks in the near future. Weyls explains: “Our Bearhole Intelligence Team against Crime and Hate (BITCH, red) has received clues for a potential terrorist attack on pipe 237 and pipe 241. I take the BITCH very seriously. That is why I command an immediate reinforcement of our entire Pipesystem.”
I take the bitch very seriously
– D. Weyls
Meanwhile, Ronny from the Bagelcave advices to cancel all travel and transport through pipes 210 – 250. “Although we always ensure maximum protection within our pipes, I must now confess we do not have any kind of protection whatsoever”, the janitor precises.
Brundfunk Airlines also stated it will cancel its direct flights to South-Babidwana. “We cannot take any risks at this point”, explains founder Bobby Rundfunk. “Besides, we ran out of fuel last week”.
The rise of threat level to √47 has cultural consequences as well. All pipe-related activities are canceled until next Friday at least. This means a no-go for Pipefest, Bearhole’s bi-annual smokers delight festival planned for upcoming Saturday, and sporting big names such as Paf Pijpmans. Weyls’ coconut message justifies: “We cannot risk a big scale event like this, for obvious security and health reasons.”
“This means a no-go for Pipefest,
Bearhole’s biannual smokers delight festival”
– Jacques Prélude