SWEDEN HQ – In a comprehensive report launched today, Bearhole commits fully to the Sustainable Development Goals and a green future. Despite a polluting Pipe-System, the company works hard to cut manure consumption in half by 2040 and erase it completely by 2080.
– By reporter cum fructum Bobby Rundfunk –
Bearhole is known for taking bold actions to combat all sorts of change, whether it be climate change or spare change, which is according to CEO Dick Weyls “a very impractical way of paying for my dishwasher”.
Earlier this year the CEO admitted things are running out of hand manure-wise: “To fire up our Pipe-System, we consume 350 tons of manure a day. All technological equipment in the Headquarters is attached to the manure-grid. It’s our source of electricity, really.”
Breaking the law
A peculiar energy system, and a foul one indeed as it turns out Bearhole’s Pipe-System does not comply with EU Regulations. In an external energy report EU officials define the Pipe-System as a ‘post-industrial catastrophe’ and ‘toxic madness’. According to the report over 75 tons of manure are burned to produce just one piece of blog content. Pressure is put on the CEO to tackle this gooey situation first hand.
Who’s to blame?
Asking the CEO for a short reply, we get a nuanced answer: “The manure-grid has kept Bearhole alive the past 10 years. We wouldn’t have achieved The Greap Output of last year (Bearhole produced more than 200 pieces of prime content in 2016, red) without it. I understand the concerns, but I encourage positive thinking, as stated in our report. We are working hard on getting our energy system as legal as possible by 2080.”
When it comes to pointing out a culpable, Dick’s reaction is ambiguous. “Listen, I am not afraid to take the blame here. However, I must say it scares me to take responsibility for this matter (huh?, red). It’s easy to start finger-pointing in every direction, but that’s just not my style. Besides, I think Farty Pigmac is responsible for a considerable amount of our toxic waste”, concludes a finger-pointing Dick.
(BR) for bearholepress