Remember: what we see is only the tip of the iceturd
While some of you already received the Farty Pigmac Comic Book, others were still eagerly waiting.
Today, Bearhole successfully delivered packages throughout Belgium and the world. Thanks for your order!
For those of you just tuning in: the second pressing of Farty Pigmac in South America is vastly shrinking, so get your booklet right here before stock runs out!
As predicted in my previous calculations, 2016 is coming to an end, and what a year it has been. Bearhole smashed records on every possible level. Post quantity, post quality, post snackability, you name it, we smashed it.
I consider this raging success as a serious threat for the company. Bearhole is founded on the principle of ‘over-promise, under-deliver’. This year however we did the contrary, confusing our visitors with mind-boggling consistency and day-to-day excellence. I understand your concerns. I have spoken to my staff. We will be less predictable and more ambiguous in 2017.
The numbers we present today are ferocious to say the least. Web subscriptions have risen by 120 %. Facebook likes boomed, nay, exploded, counting 260 followers in december last year, and a staggering 520 exactly one year later. Our fanbase multiplied in a period of merely ten months.
These strong numbers crush your skull like a massive bulldozer, and are accompanied by even stronger content milestones:
- We’ve sent Farty Pigmac to South America
- Bobby Rundfunk reported live at the Euros
- Gevederde Arend came back and took over the City
- Bearhole Geographic reported live from Portugal
- We’ve published a first Comic Book
The list goes on.
Now, should we be proud of our accomplishments? Happy about the work delivered? Joyful about the rising sense of community and engagement surrounding Bearhole?
No. All we care about is hard cash and net likes.
Dear reader, I urge you to stay critical. Expect the worst for 2017, because that’s probably what Bearhole will give you.
Bewildering as ever,
Your grateful Dick,
Director General A Bearhole Engagement
Author of such leadership classics as ‘Getting Your Dick To Speak’, ‘My Dick or the High Dick’, and ‘Nothing a Dick Can’t Fix’